Gratitude
I wanted to be with my family and the Whitney’s: I wanted to labor and give birth at home, without causing undue strain or stress on anyone. God answered my prayers and gave me the desire of my heart.
Labor began November 18 at 3:40 am. Slow and steady. Strong contractions, but far enough apart so as to be easily dealt with one at a time.
Abish brought me breakfast in bed: toast and eggs and hot chocolate. ☺️
I rested and reserved my strength for the marathon that was sure to come.
Ben created a music playlist for labor and finished inflating the birthing ball. Abish came home from seminary excited to share with us what she had learned about the difference between being thankful (expressing thanks) and being grateful (shown in our actions).
I had been up puttering around and making some phone calls. I returned to bed, resting and relaxing between contractions that continued 10-15 minutes apart. Wow. That’s the way to labor.
At lunchtime Jared made me a delicious sandwich, which I ate in bed, feeling totally loved and pampered. Esther came down to check on me and visit. She rubbed my feet.
I napped. When I woke up it was 4:00 pm.
I felt lazy, like I was taking advantage of the situation. I got up and dressed and walked out on the back patio and sat on the swing. It was cold, but felt good for a minute. Then I went upstairs and found Esther talking with Stuart about whether or not she should go to the temple. They had this family session planned where they could all be together in the temple before Emma left on her mission. John and Bre, Andrew and Ana, Isaac and Aspyn, and Emma would all be there at the 5:00 session in the Provo Temple.
I encouraged her to go. At that point I wondered if it might be the next day before the baby actually came.
When Staci learned I was in labor, she made time in a very busy day to bring us dinner. She picked up chicken and wild rice soup with sourdough bread from Great Harvest, then dropped it off and texted to let me know it was at the back door. About 5:00 we heated the soup and I sat down to eat. It was delicious and so nourishing. I kept standing up to lean on the couch through contractions that had decided to pick up their pace.
I finished my bowl of soup, then went back to my room, changed into a nightgown and prepared the birthing area - a mattress on the ground, covered with a shower curtain and chucks pads. I felt Donae’s presence and knew she was happy for our family and so proud of me and Ben. I felt the great love she has always shown us and rejoiced at her ability to move about freely and participate in this wonderful event. I felt her share with me a confidence that all would go well. I was glad to have her there.
Ben came in to check on me and saw that I was undoubtedly in active labor, on my knees, leaning forward onto the birthing ball. He turned on the music, starting with the exact song I wanted: Be Thou My Vision, by Nathan Pacheco. Abish came in a few minutes later and Ben told her about counter pressure. Soon I changed from leaning on the birthing ball and laid down on the mattress on my side with Ben and Abish pushing on my knees and back simultaneously during contractions. I’ve helped Carlos do this for Sarah during two of her births, and I tried to be as relaxed and peaceful as she was. In my mind I imagined a beautiful flower opening up. I focused completely on relaxing my body so that it could function optimally. Ben explained the birthing process to Abish as she had questions. They both spoke encouraging words to me, expressing their gratitude for my willingness to bring a baby into the world. I felt grateful as well for the privilege and opportunity to have another child, to be a humble instrument in the Lord’s hands. I knew God was with me and would help me every step of the way. I think that having Donae, Abish, and later Esther present had the effect of keeping me on my best behavior. I regretted having whined and complained so much during Elijah’s birth. I had made it harder on Ben and myself by expressing negative thoughts, and was determined not to do so this time.
As I focused on my breathing, and timed each contraction by the number of times I exhaled, I thought of my Savior. In my mind I saw Jesus from The Chosen. His gentle eyes and voice were sympathetic. “I know. It feels like it will last forever.” I knew He was carrying the burden right along with me, letting me struggle only under a weight I could manage. I thanked Him for His help and continued to pray for strength. I remembered Sarah Owen’s birth and how Hazel had pleaded aloud: “Give me strength.” I knew I couldn’t accomplish this birth without His help and I thanked Him continually.
I couldn’t have been more lovingly supported by my family, and I thanked them as I sought to bear with patience my afflictions.
Ben and Abish were absolutely wonderful.
I used the bathroom several times, and labor progressed very quickly. After 2 hours I was pretty sure I had hit transition. I began vocalizing with a low hum as I breathed through contractions. Esther arrived home from the temple shortly after 7:00 and offered to draw up a hot bath. It was just in time. I was clenching the edges of the mattress and shaking. Abish and Ben helped me up the stairs to Esther’s bathroom where she had a warm bath ready with candles around the edges. I stepped in and lowered myself into the water, welcoming the measure of relief it brought. I leaned against the side of the tub with my head resting on a towel between contractions and took in the peaceful atmosphere. Handles Messiah played softly in the background. Candles glowed around me. Esther placed a cool wet cloth on the back of my neck and gave me sips of water. I knelt During contractions and Ben continued to provide counter pressure on my low back.
Abish was so excited and had many questions that Ben and Esther lovingly answered.
During one long and difficult surge, Ben lovingly said, “I’m so proud of you, this is your tenth baby.” A sarcastic thought popped into my mind, “Ya, you’d think I would have learned how to avoid this by now.” But I didn’t give it a voice and immediately chose to ground myself in truth. I chose this. I hoped and prayed for this. I’m exactly where I want to be and I am grateful.
Esther asked if I would like a specific essential oil. I could only think of lavender. She brought the lavender, but also felt impressed to choose Balance. She held the Balance under my nose and as I breathed it in deeply it had the most amazing effect. My breathing became quiet and I stopped trembling. I felt much more stable and in control. A sudden wave of nausea hit me and Esther grabbed a bowl for me to vomit into.
She commented to Abish that this was a normal sign of transition, which was an exciting signpost for them. I wondered if I was dilated enough to push and so made a tentative effort, and met no resistance. I could tell I was going to poop, which greatly embarrassed me, but I knew I couldn’t progress without fully relaxing the pelvic floor muscles. So I really pushed with the next contraction, and not only did I poop, but my water broke! Wow! The embarrassment was alleviated by the incredible realization that birth was very near at hand. (Esther used the barf bowl she had just rinsed out to scoop and flush the floating poopsies. What a great sister, right? I know. She’s the best.)
I reached down to see if I could feel the baby’s head, but I couldn’t feel anything.
Nevertheless, I pushed again with the next contraction and was amazed to feel the head move quickly down, initiating the ring of fire. With a mighty roar I summoned all my strength and pushed until her head was out.
It was awkward, waiting for the next contraction to complete the delivery. But very soon I found myself roaring louder and longer than before as I pushed with all my might to deliver a significant set of shoulders! Whew!!Just like that, the pain and pressure were gone. Esther reached quickly into the water and brought my big, beautiful baby girl up and put her in my arms. I moved from my knees to sit back against the tub, holding Pearl to my chest and savoring this moment of relief and joy. It was 8:03pm. I had gone from active labor to delivery in less than 3 hours!
She didn’t breathe right away, but was still receiving oxygen through the umbilical cord, so there was no rush. Ben ran downstairs to grab the bulb syringe and Esther suctioned Pearl. She began to breathe gradually and I lowered her torso back down into the water to keep her warm. It was all so peaceful.
I knew that I had been supported by angels from both sides of the veil and felt that it had been almost too easy compared to other of my children’s births. A profound gratitude enveloped me. God is so good and kind! I made it! She’s here. And she’s perfect. No complications whatsoever, just a simple, beautiful, peaceful birth. Surrounded by angels. My amazing sister and precious husband and daughter. Ana and Emma had heard my battle cries and came in to see the baby. Ana brought me orange juice which hit the spot exactly. I feel like every wish I’ve ever had for a perfect birth was fulfilled with this one. I was absolutely surrounded with loving family. It was a wonderful experience for Ben and Abish too.
Esther is the best sister ever and a fabulous doula. She was calm and supportive and offered so many comfort measures. She even got pictures and video of the children gathering around the tub to meet their baby sister. And do you know what was the sweetest thing? In those first moments after birth, as Pearl was opening her eyes, she looked right at Esther. Esther smiled at her and said, “Hi Pearl” and Pearl smiled back!!
It was so beautiful.
After about 25 minutes, Ben clamped and cut the cord and Abish took Pearl out to the living room to meet the entire Whitney family. I delivered the placenta, then took a quick shower, wrapped myself in a bathrobe, and with three cheers from the Whitney’s, went downstairs and climbed into bed to nurse my little daughter for the first time.
We all went to bed, and it felt wonderful to just lay down and rest, but my heart was too full to sleep. I spent the night in a Spirit of overwhelming Thanksgiving, marveling at the goodness and love and mercy of my Heavenly Father. How can I ever thank Him sufficiently?
I will serve Him and trust Him all my days. I will love and forgive and serve all of His children.
What a precious gift it is to be a Mother!
I held little Pearl in my arms almost all night, save for a brief spell where I placed her in her crib between about 3-5:00am when I really did try to sleep.
Hallelujah! She’s here!
